I have spent most of my adult life harboring a lot of negativism toward men. This was modeled by most of the women in my life growing up. Often times it was displayed in a good-natured way. Often times irritably.
No one really thought much about it.
But once I grew up and became a Christ-follower, it became apparent that it was not the biblical way to interact with men.
After years of reading books on marriage, dozens of conversations with other women, and hundreds of observations, I can see that I’m not alone in my sinful attitudes. There is an epidemic of disrespect toward men in our culture today.
Just stop to think how kid’s movies and TV shows promote Dad being a buffoon and children usually save the day and parents end up being the ones to apologize. Dad’s a joke! (This is a pet peeve of mine.)
On the flip side, I am amazed at the number of men who speak harshly to their wives. Men who put their wives down and make them the butt of the joke, even in front of other people! Men who don’t appreciate their wife’s ability to think on many different levels at once. I actually know men who won’t take their wives on a date, for crying out loud! Yet the women I know just give and give and give to their families striving to serve the Lord in the midst of the challenges.
When I first began reading this book, I thought it was going to be a bit repetitive. I just felt the point didn’t needed to be belabored. (This review was written some time ago when I first read the book and I was in the throws of chronic illness, child-rearing, and fighting a marriage battle I didn’t understand, so I may feel differently about it now if I re-read it.) I had read this stuff before and figured I didn’t need to hear any more. I was wrong. Considering more than half of all marriages today end in divorce, is it possible to belabor the subject?? I’m so thankful I continued reading!
Most books I’ve read on the subject of marriage have been written by women FOR women. They have usually left me feeling as though everything was always my fault. (Something I used to really struggle with.) I could not live up to perfection and I usually ended up discouraged. In Love and Respect, Dr Eggerichs brings the man’s perspective and responsibility to the table as well as the woman’s. The author calls both men and women to humble themselves and work to break “The Crazy Cycle” of unloving and disrespectful behaviors. Both partners are accountable for their own sinfulness and lack of communication.
Praise God for some balance!
As mentioned above, Dr. Eggerichs illustrates what he calls, “The Crazy Cycle.” Without love, the woman reacts disrespectfully. Without respect, the man reacts unlovingly. And so the vicious, crazy cycle continues until someone has the spiritual maturity to step out of the craziness to begin breaking the cycle.
Part 2 of the book is devoted to “The Energizing Cycle.” Her respect motivates his love. His love motivates her respect.
Dr. Eggerichs created two acronyms:
COUPLE: How To Spell Love To You Wife
CHAIRS: How To Spell Respect To Your Husband
Seven chapters are addressed to the husband and seven chapters are addressed to the wife. I particularly liked the section directed toward men. These chapters were refreshing to me and right-on in their explanations to men on how we women think!
My husband and I married 23 weeks after we met. We received virtually no counseling, only one session with my pastor. I would not recommend this path to anyone. I have come to place an extremely high value on counseling and how it can help couples develop valuable tools to work through conflict and strife.
If at all possible, I would highly recommend this book be read by both partners before marriage and discussed in depth with a counselor or pastor who has also read the book and is trained to counsel married couples. If something happened to my husband and I had to start all over again, this book would be required reading for any future spouse.
Read it, even if your spouse never does. You can only change you. You are only responsible for your response. You are not responsible for how your husband or wife responds, but your response can influence theirs.
Do your part to break “The Crazy Cycle!”
Dr. Eggerichs is founder of Love and Respect Ministries and his interviews are easily found on YouTube. Visit LoveandRespect.com
Marriage is hard. There is an all-out assault against marriage. That assault is from the devil because marriage is so important to God. Keep this in mind as you listen to the featured videos.
The following videos are wonderful! I would HIGHLY recommend listening to them all. (That’s why I included them!) Many more interviews are available on YouTube.
Two Key Ingredients For Successful Marriage posted by 100huntley:
The Tone Of Love And Respect Matters posted by Love and Respect Ministries:
“The Love and Respect Experience” –Part One—(Day Two) Emerson Eggerichs 1/2 posted by 100huntley (This is a companion book):
“The Love and Respect Experience” –Part Two–Day Two–Emerson Eggerichs 2/2 posted by 100huntley (This is a companion book):
“Love and Respect” Dr Emerson Eggerichs 1/2 posted by 100huntley:
“Love and Respect” Dr Emerson Eggerichs 2/2 posted by 100huntley:
Love And Respect Pt 1 (Life Today With The Robisons) posted by HOP CORE VALUES:
Love And Respect Pt2 (Life Today With The Robisons) posted by HOP CORE VALUES:
Powerful Video (A woman struggling in her marriage asks Dr. Eggerichs for specific help):
Help For Marriage Crisis posted by ChannelMom:
*Note: This article first appear on May 7, 2018, on my other website SoMuchCraziness.com
